Why Fight the Battle of Wits?

Mommers and Dadder’s family is growing. Four years ago I posted my first post called “grin” as I observed my first grand child completely rock his parents’ world; as babies do. They now have Babbers, Pipsqueek, and a bun in the oven. (And still getting their world rocked daily)  I’m staying with them because baby bun gives Mommers a pretty significant case of the vomits.

I have been enlisted here at Fort Bragg, by default and it isn’t in the simulated battles I hear everyday but a full on battle of wits between Dadders, two year old Pipsqueek, and me. I’m Switzerland.  (We all know who wins.)

Did you know that sleep deprivation was/is used as a form of torture? Most parents of babies and preschoolers vouch loudly about this torture tactic believing their baby is literally trying to kill them.

Dadders and Mommers are also in this camp and can’t seem to forgive their offspring for this mistreatment. I can’t bear to tell them how long it lasts. It’s best to stay silent for such things.

“Why can’t they just sleep!” (Well if you do go to bed at 7:00, 3 a.m. Is already 8 hours of shut eye if you want to get technical)

So Dadder uses his army training to beat this nightly shenanigans once and for all in a battle of full on wits.

“D…it this kid will sleep or else!” The ‘or else’ I think is a mouth syringe with a mixture of Melitonan, Benedryl, and cooking Sherry just in case he has to cheat to survive.

Did I mention Pip’s an electronic junky like all babies of this century?

He wakes at random hours of the night yelling to “Get up!”

He gets an I-phone to play with when he wakes up. Since I have come he has woken up at 1ish, 3ish, usually 4-something, and sometimes 5ish. Dadders says let him yell until 6:30!  But his room is across from mine. And I’m pleased to report that Pip will be an opera singer one day because he has a piercing lung capacity that breaks glass and shatters ear drums; even ones with several pillows trying to muffle the lovely sound in the middle of the night through a wall. So Pipsqueek gets the phone to make him please be quiet, I beg you. It’s  as simple as that.

Dadders pouts every morning because Pipsqueek wins every day. Switzerland gives in because I’m on morning duty while Dadders keeps sleeping. And so far my mornings have begun way way WAY before the sun even plans to get up so I may as well get up too and watch Pip play “Angry Birds.”

Besides the wake ups torture Mommers to vomit more  during the night.

My battle plan is really quite simple and pleases all:

Buy a car cup holder and a handsfree I-phone vent holder and connect them both to the crib rungs. When Pip wakes up his phone is right there and his cup holder has dry cereal in it. Why fight this Dadders?  You are never going to win!

We’ll all get 3 more hours of sleep and Pipsqueek will be perfectly happy! That is until he yells “I poopy!” Then he’s all yours…

Grandparenting is a riot! And don’t tell but I love getting up with Pip. It’s the best time ever. He shows me how to use my phone…

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1 Response to Why Fight the Battle of Wits?

  1. Pingback: Snoring brings out my evil twin! | Have Fun With It!

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