February Stinks

Cupid is set free in February which begins tomorrow!

Daaaa-da-da-da-dum-da-da-da…

But he is also a lousy aim and his arrows miss.

February stinks for those who are left picking up the dumb arrows lying on the ground.

My past February posts were sugar coated, lovey-dovey, sweetheart ideas, blah-blah but this post is for those who wish to skip February altogether!

So sorry to break it to you but its leap year and there is….ONE EXTRA DAY!

Miserably single solutions:

1. Stay alone in your room for 29 days and play video or group electronic games.

2. Listen to really sad love songs to keep you depressed and miserable.

3. Watch bad television flicking channels until your brain becomes so bored you fall asleep.

4. Look on your phone constantly or set your alarm so it goes off in public to make sure you are showing how busy you are and that you just don’t have time for love.

3. Have your usual date with that beautiful, rich chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and spoon, or double date with Oreos or BBQ potato chips, and allow them to caress your insides and comfort you.

4. Read nonfiction for boredom–perhaps read the Old Testament!

5. Pretend you actually like to exercise and get all dressed in your cool clothes you got for Christmas and do it… once. Then throw the clothes in the dark part of your closet remembering that exercise is just too much of a bother.

6. Clean because everyone you know is out having fun.

7. Find someone else who is miserable and rant together about the injustices of the world and how everything about life really stinks. Especially emphasize how you hate your friends in love who think everything is so blissful right now. Make sure you express how intelligent you are because your mind is clear and you can logically see how things really are and those others are clouded by…you know…love and all…

8. Then go home and tell yourself how much you hate that person you just ranted to.

9. Rebel and don’t even try to look and dress nice so everyone sees how miserable you feel just by your ugly choice of clothes, smell, bed hair, and bad breath.

10. Crabbiness and aloof moodiness is your right.  Anger is, of course, justified and snapping back or ignoring others is the ammo for how bugged you feel. Freakin’ Cupid missed YOU and it’s not fair!

11.  Go to bed early and sleep late.

12.  Continue to add to that menacing mental list how bad, ugly, fat, stupid, short, tall, shy, chatty, clumsy, dopey, smelly, skinny, scared, inexperienced, too experienced, busy, lazy, untalented, cold, stale, slow, boring, blah blah blah…you truly are!

13.  Continue to tell yourself how ridiculous people who you know in love are acting! Be sure to stay alone because you are your best company when you feel miserable.

14. Perhaps stay away from being a target because if you don’t, you will get hit by that love arrow and then…your life will never be the same!

 

Dedicated to anyone who wishes cupid will aim with precision

and hit the stinkin’ bulls-eye!

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