Parent School 2

Are you ready to be a parent?

Here are a few more questions to see…

3. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems. First buy an octopus and a string bag. Attempt t o put the octopus in the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this: all morning.

4. Forget the sports car and buy a Volvo. And don’t think you can leave it out in the driveway, spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Jam a quarter into the [stereo system]. Mash a family-size pack of chocolate cookies down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

5. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the bathroom for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again and walk down the front path. Walk back up. Walk down again. Walk very slowly along the road for five minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every piece of chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you’ve had about as much as you can stand, until the neighbors come out and stare at you. You are now ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Adapted from Colin Bowles, The String and the Octopus (Reader Digest)

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