I’ve been faithful with the mother-handbook of life. I’ve quoted it often in those times when there is no other excuse than to say, “Sorry, I didn’t make it up, it’s in the mother-handbook!”
But no one, NO ONE told me there was a grandma handbook (of course I should have known) and the very first chapter is titled, THE GRIN.
I have to share. Pretend its a novel, I’m a writer and I have changed the names so no one will know who I am talking about.
Momers, Daders, and Babers are the names I shall use.
Grin #1: Momers
I have a constant satisfied grin on my face as I have watched my own daughter fall in love with her baby and mothering.
But today’s main focus is on
Grin #2: Daders
Watching him fill Momers hospital bag and other plastic containers completely full with hospital free stuff including those mini drinks from the fridge, puddings, red jello, very large sanitary napkins, shampoo, soaps, even those blue socks with the grippers on the bottom. It was like moving day when we left the hospital! “Act normal…”
The first Daders diaper change in the hospital was sterile with blue plastic hospital gloves and all. He made sure we all knew he knew exactly what to do without coaching. Of course the peeper was sticking straight up so we had to change again in a few minutes…funny an entire box of blue gloves also showed up at the changing table when we got home. (At least he did it, right!)
First night home at 3:30 Momers hadn’t slept a wink so she asked Daders to change Babers. Daders was woken up out of a deep sleep so as he jumped out of bed to find his blue sterile gloves he complained that his eye would not open! “Seriously, I can’t open my eye, I CAN’T SEE!” He then tried to change Babers, sterile gloved, in the dark,with one eye complaining that he could not tell if Babers was poopy or not because he “really could not open my eye!” Poor Daders! Momers tried to adjust herself in bed after her episiotomy getting ready for Daders to give Babers back so he could get right back to sleep and close the other good eye!
Daders is showing real signs of Postpartum Depression and husband neglect so the day after Babers came home, Daders brought home a new flat screen TV to help him feel happy and supported.
Daders is a sleep hour counter. Most new Daders and Momers are. But Momers stopped the first night babers came home because after 3 or 4 days having a combination of 2 hours of sleep, if you don’t stop counting you will bawl. But Daders MUST keep counting because he is important! So after several days of interrupted sleep counting Daders finally had a full blown tantrum. He now sleeps on the couch. It isn’t always because Babers is keeping him a wake. It is Babers older dog-sister Doggers that is also trying to assert who is boss by pooping and peeping all over the house. Those blue gloves and slip resistant socks have come in handy for several uses.
Daders held babers while Momers went to bed around 11 p.m. I heard Daders in his study reading the Bible out loud to Babers…
I keep my mouth shut but I keep grinning. I have stocked up the freezer for NDPPD. (New Dad Postpartum Depression)
The Grandma handbook says that ice cream and a huge box of drumsticks often cure this instead of Prozak.
Ahhh, I think Grandmothering may be pretty fun to participate in after all!